Friday, April 14, 2017

The Post About April Without a Good Title

April's been one hell of a month - to go to show it, this post's about fourteen, fifteen days late. Good thing this entire blog exists only on my schedules (and comfortably so).

March proved a bit less hectic than I had assumed in my last Monthly post; The month was oddly self contained - despite all the various things that did happen, there was a black cloud overarching it all. Hell, really, it's been depressingly fogging the air for far too long around here. But, in retrospect, I suppose that was a natural disaster I really ought to have avoided - the key beam of clean sunlight which has broken the smog was hardly one I couldn't have enacted sooner, with some determination.

That insignificant flip of a switch has managed to make April somehow new. Realizing the broad reaches of the world - all literally at my fingertips - has helped redefine myself, yet again. My very first post continues to show it's age, almost to the point of embarrassment. Finding happiness in self-pride, in the things I am capable of and should be doing, is so much more fulfilling than drifting on a moodless river of emptiness. Learning to be an individual, one fully in control of my own life, what is in it, and how it effects me, is the most I've gained on a mental level in a long while.

I'm feeling genuinely upbeat for the first time in too long. It's elevating feeling that classic mix of responsibility, push and lighthearted fun after what felt like a deathly hangover. It's hard to express this feeling without the tinge of unprofessional escapism, but to put it bluntly, I can't wait to keep along this newly discovered path. I might be a heartbreaker. But I'm more happy to stay sea sick.