Wi-Fi Comedy!

Did you know, in the Good Lord's year of 2026, you can name your own personal wi-fi connection? I did... but I'm sure You didn't. 

So, what; "Smog's Wi-Fi"? "71 Business"? "71F223-2.4"? No, no - no more boring nothings, plain company titles, technical jib-jab... believe it or not, your wi-fi service can be entitled... well! just about anything you want! 

Within Reason. 

Why, just this afternoon - on my daily walk through the filthy, filthy slums of thr Gulf Coast - I encountered just loads of hootin', hollerin', hilarious wi-fi boners! Of course, there's the usual suspects... "FBI Surveillance Van", always a classic... "Gangstalking Club House", heh, yawn... "Epsteinet"... where's the funny?

Well, here's the real zingers; in the famed words of Grand Vizier Jafar, "The Diamond[s] in The Rough" - a collection of cantankerous connections, with additions from none other than the beloved staff of 71! 

"There Are People Under My Veins"

"Free Trojan"

"UndergroundPandaFightingRing"

"CYBORG_PHILLY"

"GhostPlanet Guest"

"I_Believe_Wi_Can_Fi" 

"Glitch Studios Is The Death Of Art"

"Robotropolis5G"

"FancyNippleTassels" 

"Don't Call Her WiFi If You Met Her At The Freaknik"

"HumanTraffickingHQ1887"

"Ghidorah the Three-Banded Router"

"PP-Link_69" 

"I Know You Quake"

Special shout-out to "ZappsFreeWiFi", which has been inexplicably broadcasting free service from a nearby abandoned structure for, seemingly, decades; despite said Zapp's location having closed circa 1990... itself, having taken place quite a while before wi-fi, even, like.. existed. Huh. Whatever! Always comes in clutch when webby-things go awry... and how about that McDonald's!

This is all to say... I must, sadly, announce to my staff that we will be temporarily without internet connection; from today, to the foreseeable future, as the "Guys" over at Spectrum do their best to fix our little... "Unbelievable Wiring Issue". Godspeed, men!

Of course, rest assured - the Anti-Gravity Freedom Machine network, as always, stands strong.

Please direct any questions, concerns or comments to Gustavo "From The Selva" De Barcelos, 71 Chief of Human Relations and Head Receiver. Also - as a friendly reminder! - the "Love Is A Monster From Outer Space" animation is due tomorrow. No exceptions, with termination of employment upon failure to deliver.

What does any of this have to do with the promotional event in which Pee-Wee Herman and I, per court order, visited hundreds of Discovery Zone locations across America to speak about Christian mission trips to Haiti? I'm not sure. 

Computron Wants To Live

Aye... what's good, Smogmonster? 

A whole lotta nothing. Binging The Office, enjoying the company pool, feasting up on mandarins and delicious iced coffee. Not to mention, fixing my sleep schedule, Little Dog in tow. Ever met a rat terrier who loves oranges?

I deserve it - as 71's glorious leader, I'm owed a week or two of Lazy. Often! After all, isn't that what upper management is for...?

Fret not, MidLivvians; as always, our crack team of disuting freaks - that is, Animators - are on the case. Of course, the A-Team (pictured below) is currently preoccupied by an upcoming semi-related music video project... y'know, the Super Jack one?... but, the Expendables - that is, "Saif Animadness Funhouse (ਸੈਫ ਐਨੀਮੈਡਨੈੱਸ ਫਨਹਾਊਸ)" - are keeping the MidLife ship a-sailin'.

"A fire hazard waiting to happen!" as if. 

What's interesting is, we've been repeatedly warned by OSHA (or, the Obtuse Stupid Heads Association) that our working conditions are, quote, "Unsafe", and, "A Complete Violation Of Basic Human Rights", and, "Almost Certainly Going To End In Mortal Disaster". Which is absolutely silly. 

Sure, things are tough, now. But hey - I'm no monster. I'm the Smog-Monster! The vast majority of my underlings are generously blessed the minimum legal wage - And! - management is even prepared to consider the installation of one brand-new window unit A/C somewhere near the general vicinity of employee quarters! Should production meet schedule!

Not to mention, the newly implemented (mandatory) "Crazy Costume Sundays"! What a riot!

Note: animé characters/references will not be accepted as participation

Of course, my office stays a frosty 60°. Such is life; the mad Captain of the ghostly USS Cygnus. Or... I guess, SS Guppy. It's lonely at the top; the literal top, of the building, y'know? Great view. One very few - again - deserve. But hey - as I grow older, and wiser, I've come to understand, perhaps, not everyone can be a Smogmonster. Or a Doctor Reinhardt. Or a Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.

Sometimes, as I drown through the murky depths of our blessed company pool; staring through bloody chlorinated eyelids; I just fleetlingly remember. That old thought. The vision really breathed underwater... and maybe, it still does.

Wacky Wong's Horrific Whodunnit

Sadly, Mr. Wong does not 
possess eye laser abilities.

In a World...

Where Boris Karloff is Chinese...

A classic brains versus brawn murder mystery! Through inky black high-speed chases, shocking assassinations, and the salting of a hat, the enigmatic Detective James Lee Wong and company investigate the mysterious death of a shipping tycoon; having been shot mere moments after a consolation-turned-confrontation with his business rival.

A man unironically exclaims "Great Scott" in this picture. Awesome. Witty - sharp - charming! Perfectly noir, and sometimes even surprisingly modern in its... well, humanity. Its often pretty funny, believe it or not. Granted you've a taste for old, dusty obscurities - and horrifying cultural appropriation - it's a real fun ol' flick.

My only complaint... it's conclusion's mad abrupt. Even a bit obvious. It sort of leaves you hanging, after really coming to know the film's unique cast of fun fast-talkers. But, I dunno - perhaps the twists-and-turns of the genre hadn't fully developed, y'know?

I knew I was really digging it during a scene where Wong instructs his snarky reporter colleague, in a brief experiment, to close her eyes, and identify where he is snapping two coins - in front, behind, or above her head; only for her to get it wrong literally every time. Happily asking how she's done, she's gracefully informed she did... Bad. She did Bad. She walks away, snapping about, looking totally mortified.

All in all, not necessarily a mind-blower or anything, but nevertheless strong. What a generally unfitting title, though - "Doomed To Die"...? I guess they were banking on Spooky Karloff? Should've called it Wacky Wong's Horrific Whodunnit. Or something.

"What's the damage?

That'll be... four dollars.

What'd she do, buy the place?!

No... that's the price... a dollar a cocktail."

Small Steps Toward Walking On Water

Spence Kenneth Hasper's valuable input

I recently awoke, in a manic haze; a sweating, frothing sickness of inspiration, rattling my veins like a Parkinson's patient on Alton Towers' Sonic Spinball. It just... called to me. Something about it. It had to be done. 

Having passed out on in the office (on my famous green foam "mattress"), I scraped together what few crew happened to be still present - at, y'know, roughly 4 AM - piled in the company cars - and sped off... to the smoke shop! 

We've shot around here a small handful of times, up and down the whole strip; essentially serving as the area surrounding Vienna's fateful bus stop. It ain't scenic, but it's... eerie. Detached. Somehow otherworldly. I guess in that way, you could call us locals.

As such, nobody seemed to mind as multiple truckloads of strange, effeminate men flooded the empty streets; arranging props, positioning cameras, and installing arguably illegal blacklights... all at the precise command of their dark, masked leader. Me! You'd think we were shooting the Billie Jean video.

We did two takes; Vienna, in silence, surrounded by junk, perched on a dinky metal chair (stolen from the famed Hernando Toy and Comic Show all those eons ago) as she waits for that damned bus... in real time! Spooky. 

The odd anxiety in the air - nervously eyeing the odd passing semi, wandering nightcrawlers, and looming security cameras - gave such a distinct, sickly energy to what happened that night. It's not every day something like this happens. Or... yeah, y'know, night. 

Its also worth mentioning, post-filming, the lads and I finally offloaded the mystic "Urine Couch" beside the shops, whose pungent stench has haunted the studio garage for longer than I care to remember. End of an era.

Sketches for a Super Jack video

It's all about spontaneity. As such, at the time of writing, I've not (much) reviewed the footage, or even the accompanying score by recurring musicvillain Super Jack - also created live! Inn't that nice? I just don't want to touch the project 'till I can give it a full go, from top to bottom. Spontaneity. Like an infant with HIV, it must bear the very same infectious sexual sickness from which it was birthed. 

What's wild is, not even a day later, a big flashing neon sign adorning the wall behind me - that big, crest-shaped thingie, seen in a good handful of shots outside of what we caught just that particular night - was removed; it drew me in, seducing my florescent-obsessed, insect-like eye - and disappeared - a siren in the choking, gagging Floridian murk. Almost like prophecy... if it's in MidLife, it no longer exists. Banished to the city eternal - purgatory. Ain't the first time. Kinda beautiful. 

A few days later, I was once again visited. I hadn't seen her in years; she passed away, in high school. She always liked me... but, y'know. I wasn't mature enough to understand or admire how special that was. Oh well. 

At least we met again. For that moment, what she wanted was real. She was stunning. As if she never left. It felt reassuring. Maybe I'll see her again someday.

Foamy

Roads, roads, roads...

Pixels, Pillars and Pigs. It's buzzing - a shot for not one, but two projects. Neat!

We're currently working on vehicular animations, which - vigilant readers shall, of course, remember - we recently experimented with on the Fairy Dust sequence. That's what we do best, here at 71 - experimentation.

Assistant production accountant "Sammy Central" and I
getting Experimental... On Tha Grill

Unfortunately, and, unsurprisingly, we've faced the usual onslaught of delays; not only due to the constant madness emitting from the restrooms - which I have delegated the shot's full animation team to handling, due to the janitorial staff's recent mysterious deaths - but also, thanks to it's director Putzing About, rather than Directing - let alone, Plunging. See right... another example of experimentation... In Wasting Time.

Meanwhile, I've been a bit sick. Weird-y. Out of rest, but, y'know, chill. As such, I took the time to kick back, relax, and indulge with some nice, old-skool, physical drawing! Pen and paper. Simple as - and, especially, just for fun. I get pretty caught up in the hellworld of MidLife production, so every once in a while, I make it a point to just naturally and openly enjoy the whole art hobby. 

As such I drew Creepypasta characters. That is, The Backrooms' Still Life. Surprisingly great flick. I definitely didn't expect to enjoy it as much as I have. I mean, who would've? 

A Still Life Family Portrait

Besides the masterpiece known as "GOAT", of course, Backrooms comes close to my favorite new film of the year; that is, next to an as-of-yet unreleased documentary a colleague and I have been lucky enough to screen a few early cuts of. A joyous, creative retrospective starring a prolific - if not crazy underappreciated - house legend. I'm talking, a real charmer. Certainly a familiar name to anyone cool. 

Oh, but I've said too much already...

Demon Robot Park: How Will Our Love Survive?

Tonight, the lads and I - that is, the night shift janitorial crew of 71 studios, and I, their enslaver - enjoyed a trio of incredible motion pictures; Demon Days Live, Robots, and the South Park movie. Pretty good variety of naughty nightmares.

The Janitorial Crew enjoying
this month's "payment"!

2-D and Murdoc puppets

Demon Days Live is a classic - my only complaints? One. Needed the Looney Tunes + Murdoc and 2-D intro. Such a horrific omission... but, at least the Puppet lads show up once or twice. I like when the bald audience member waves to the boys. Two. They should've edited in the actual Dennis Hopper bit. His performance absolutely steals the show. 

Nevertheless, DDL is so iconic - especially to us Y2K babies, who've seen it many a time on VH1 -  with dope visual direction, such wicked musicianship, and just this filthy hazy vibe to die for. It really is The Gorillaz "Thing". The only Gorillaz concert film I feel comes close, artistically, is probably The Now Now Boiler Room. 

Vienna and the Beanstalk

Blue Sky's Robots, of course, is one of the most important movies. Ever. Next to Oliver and Company, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Barbie Princess and the Pauper, it was among my earliest faves - I owned all the toys, from the Burger King BigWeld, to the Robot City playset - drew all the characters - studied all the behind-the-scenes materials - I could go on. I wouldn't be shocked if it's boldly pro-art message really ingrained itself into my nerdy creative brain... changed everythang.

Well, that and the Peter Pan Peanut Butter contracted Salmonella!

The Varan Molester Himself.

South Park was funny - I've barely seen the series, at all, so my buddies were hype to get me initiated. The most I know are the toys, and Towlie. Ya wanna get hiiigh? I do. Unfortunately, I had some 71 business to attend to about halfway through - namely, firing lead cel painter, Pharr Ting, for inappropriate behaviors involving a Varan The Unbelievable MMS action figure (pictured, above, being inspected for - gulp - DNA evidence via blacklight). So, I kinda missed the schmeat of the flick. Good times, though, good times. I'd like to watch it again.

Speaking of screenings, a complete showing of the March 2024 MidLife - FATE workprint for the Sheikhs went swimmingly.

As such, crucial funds toward the current work-in-progress sequence - which was a track called Isotope - have been secured; with the little caveat of a new song being used in Isotope's place. In the words of Prince Saif - roughly translated, of course - "[Isotope] Sounds Too Much Like Drake." Naturally, I instantly bent to the will of my financial investors. But what of the new song...?

Miraculously, as I adjourned from the following tea party, I struck musical inspiration...

I made my way to the treacherous, hobo-littered crackden known as studio 71; only to once again encounter the Queen of Chaos herself, haunting it's sinister gates - Hexadecimal. 

The Cat!

Yes, Hex has lovingly annoyed me hearty crew for quite some while; quacking... following us inside... barking some more. It's mostly my fault - I keep feeding her. And housing her. And giving her cuddles - all while choking and wheezing from my horrific feline allergies. C'est la vie; forbidden love. Also, a really good Neon Indian song.

It's sad I can't exactly keep her; but, like Queen Hex herself - and all orange cats before her - she's Chaos. What can I say; I'm the "Bob" to her "Hex". She's off to go infect the web. Or should I say, infect Me... with Rabies!

Besides - it's all a diversion... from the real enemy. My Dog... "Mega-Bite"...

A pink night atop the 71 Parking Structure

And If You Freeze-Frame

Pictured: The 71 Cafeteria

Another lovely night in the hallowed halls of 71... Project: ALF on the bigscreen, with Crydamoure blasting thru the overhead. Eating PB&Js provided by the 71 cafeteria staff. Working on space animations - really trippy stuff, floating thru astral planes in a really cool parallax effect. I'm not surprised I've found a way to work space into my movie. It's always been my second favorite setting... after, yknow, purgatory. 

Additional nightmarish astronomical objects by repeat collaborator "Ghost Kitchen"! Cool, eh? 

Ghost ain't on the song, but we did a spacey animated video years back - which, artistically, is sort of the first breath of what's become MidLife - so, I knew I had to use some of his stuff when I recently got a look at his original game works. 

I'm curious how these shots might look with actual 3-D glasses...