Looking At... Handsome Boy Modeling School - Free Introductory Course

I recently got this sick Handsome Boy Modeling School album sampler; "Free Introductory Course!", it reads - a promo-only mini-mix of So... How's Your Girl? album tracks;

Look at this Face

Rock n' Roll

Metaphysical

The Truth

Holy Calamity

The Projects

Modeling Sucks

Father Speaks

It's a totally unique, and for that matter, pretty cool little set; with a couple clever transitions and great forward momentum. For only eight minutes, it's hard to understate just how multifaceted the sampler's sole track is; from jazzy lounge, to experimental, free-form rap, to cut-and-paste turntable jams - the Handsome Boys have proudly put their best foot forward. It's too bad they omitted a couple of my favorites, such as Magnetizing, Once Again, or Waterworld, but the CD nevertheless certainly gives a bold and representative taste of the album's impressive range of sounds. Hell, you even got Guido Sarducci. What more could you ask for?

I think my favorite part is the packaging itself; a nice little cardboard slipcase, as simple - yet attractive- as you'd expect. I'll take it over the standard garbage plastic tray these sort of obscure items usually come jangling around in. The sleek, posh-meets-punk front and back covers matches the School's sense of high style perfectly; the dense wall of collaborators, taglines and text giving that touch of designer class to perfect a snarky duality between the urban and the idyllic as an adorably young Nathaniel Merriweather (Dan the Automator) and Chest Rockwell (Prince Paul) peruse the monochromatic streets. Parody this entire concept may be, these guys sure have an eye for looks. 

I've uploaded the track onto my archival YouTube, Bubblebabybumblebee, where you can also find some other cool Automator rarities such as Time Keeps On Slipping live, Lovage's Fireplace mix, and the making of Book of the Month. I think I'm the first to post it online (at least in recent, findable history) - do I get an honorary Handsome Boy diploma? 

Modeling just sucks. 

Review - SuperPlastic Mini Series Gorillaz Phase Four Murdoc

 

Just as Gorillaz are dropping (yet) another album - the standout track being "Captain Chicken", on which the amazing Del the Funky Homosapien raps for the first time with the band since 2001 - I figured I ought to go back to the SuperPlastic mini series I've covered a few times before and look over another blind-box; if only as an excuse to take some fun photos of a few literal shelf-warmers. Yikes. Take this as a lesson, kids - no matter how rare the other, older merchandise may be, you can't scalp 'em all.

Who else to shove to the showcase, of course, but Murdoc Niccals - The creepy, soulless, and worst of all, visibly British bassist of Mr. Albarn's magical mystery tour. I recently went over KidRobot's 2006 figure, sporting a villainous urban look quite unlike Murdoc's green goblin design of today, as well as the Plastic Beach 2-D, Noodle and Cyborg Noodle figures from Superplastic's same mini figure set. Perhaps in my sorrow, yearning for a Plastic Beach Murdoc figure to round out the crew - and a Russel, too, if they'd be so kind - I've decided it's time to zero-in and talk about this mixed bag of a toy; horrible grubface, Happy Meal aesthetics, $22~ price tag, and all. You've seen me praise the cool sculpts of the Plastic Beach characters, so let's take a lot at a figure I'm not so immediately fond of.

For those who don't know, Phase Four served as Gorillaz' 2016-2018 comeback era, centered around the album Humanz and it's various singles and spin-offs. Phase Four's Murdoc sported a unique, surreal take on the character, having been the characters first appearance in about 5 years at that point; lanky, yet humanoid porportions, tinier, yet more exaggurated features, a vibrant green complexion, a looser, freeform flow to his poses, and - by far, most notably - a honkin' jaw not unlike Leno's ever-growing Crimson Chin.

Superplastic has sort of rounded out that modern look, going for something perhaps more obviously akin to Murdoc's illustrations during The Now Now's era. As with the Tranz and Song Machine 2-D figures, Murdoc's base model seems to be reused from the previously released Song Machine figure - which I've praised before as a pretty cool looking take that captures a lot of the "Murdoc" traits I like - and while the sculpt certainly works there, I'm not so sure it translates over into this figure.

Well, cut to the chase - it doesn't. 

Should that be the case, its obvious why the figure doesnt quite click as well as, say, the Plastic Beach Noodle twins; those recreated their source material from the ground up, while this retrofits an existing sculpt and does its best to adapt it into the gist of a totally separate look. While I don't necessarily expect these to be a one-to-one recreation of the art - hell, even Plastic Beach's 2-D was a bit of a departure - the differences, while small, totally throw off the look. His face, in general, is the heart of the issue - It certainly captures the wonky, formless jaw and high grin of Humanz era's Murdoc, and I think the look works alright from the correct angle... but, beyond that, just ends up looking warped and wack from most perspectives. The worst offender of the bunch is the most obvious - what's with the gigantic bushy eyebrows? Even his eyes themselves aren't the right shape, though I'd be able to overlook something like that if it weren't for how strange they look pushed so far below his bangs. The tight smile, the big lopsided cheeks, the Dumbo ears - he's meant to be an ugly old mug, sure, so I suppose your mileage may vary, but I don't think this was quite what the art was going for. 

Now, being fair, the sculpt's got some nice little details - I like how they've done the clothing, which, along with the pose itself, is sort of the real centerpiece of the figure. Above all else, the figure's got character - even with the smudged-up, weirdo pug face, the pose and overall look of the figure just screams Murdoc - perhaps, less so than the awesomely evil aforementioned Phase Two figure, but nevertheless, he's got that snarling punk energy I like to see from the rotten demon rocker. 

His proportions, while not really representative of the wobbly half-humanoid Murdoc seen in the illustration, look appropriately surreal; at just about 4 inches tall, he scales more-or-less well next to his bandmates, such as fellow Phase 4 rep Russel, who's rocking his funky Saturnz Barz video outfit.

The paint work is where things sort of fall apart - er, even more, that is. I'm not a fan of the blinding highligher green they've chosen for Murdoc's decaying corpse complexion; it's definitely not accurate, and besides that, is a bit too light to look very quality. Something about the pallette just screams "cheap" to me - as said in previous Gorillaz Mini reviews, a paint wash here, some finer details there, and a lot more quality control could've done these guys leagues in upping the ante. 

That said, the small decals are mostly well done, and where present, bring out a nice amount of detail to such a little figure. I love the striped handkerchief hanging out of his back pocket, or the bit of skin showing between his boots and pants. Even his little cigarette and match are properly painted, unlike his full scale Song Machine predecessor. Go figure. Again, it all comes back to the face - the eyes are really faint, and clearly off. The whites of his eyes are off-center and, because of this, slightly oversprayed, fading back to neon astroturf before filling in the entire sculpted area. Where exactly is his gaze? They just have a weird aimless stare that doesn't work. I think having him glare forward from under his bangs would've worked out best - the shifty side-eye just wound up, how you say, "totes derp". 

As with a handful of other figures of the set, he also received a black-and-white variant - though I'm not sure I'd describe it as "chase" per se. I'm not sure what they were going for with the monochromatic colors - maybe pencil art? - but, while it is a bit random, it looks solid enough. As I mentioned in a previous review, the finer details on each chase figure seem to be cleaner and bolder than on the fully painted counterparts, probably thanks to the simplified designs. 

Phase Four, as it were, was a bit of a disappointment to many fans; low on music videos, low on direction... hell, you could even argue it was low on Gorillaz. But at the end of the day, I have a lot of nostalgia and positive feelings for the brief, but special little era; with two-ish years of buildup between teasers, interviews and the teensiest of leaks, its the most excited I've ever been for an upcoming content - even if the album itself didn't exactly pay off, I can definitely say I've got a soft spot for it's art and related concepts, and I love to see the designs I ogled over so long ago on instagram translated into the world of plastic. 

Overall, I think the figure is flawed enough to not actively seek out, but still a fun prize to find in a blind box. You can't always expect top-tier quality with these kinds of figures, even with the most astronomical - or, yknow, dumb - of price tags, but that's not to completely downplay the guy; it's a cool and memorable little figure of Muds, especially if you happen to not have any other. There's certainly much better - and, arguably, worse - Murdoc figures out there, and I wouldnt say this is anywhere near a favorite or even particularly "good" figure in my light, but it's still a nice, ho-hum, right in the middle kinda toy, and most importantly a fun enough representation of the character at that. 

Hey - as a guy who likes dinky desk figurines, things to fidget with, and look at - sometimes, that's okay. That's all you need.

Or, at least... good enough? 

Eh? Meh? Enough to fill a review? 

Whatever.

Review - KidRobot Gorillaz Phase Two Murdoc (CYMK Edition)

KidRobot - y'know, those funky little robot toys you see lining the glassy LED lit shelves of every high-end comic book shop. If you even remotely enjoy what I'll affectionately refer to as "weirdo media", you've almost certainly ran across, or might even even own, one of their products; from Futurama minis, to Beetlejuice keychains, to Chucky MadBalls, they've got their pop culture bases nice and covered.

A sucker for the iconic, alternative, and slightly disturbed, KidRobot naturally teamed up with Gorillaz during their Demon Days (also known to us geeks as "Phase Two") era to produce a few rounds of newly themed toys, based on the cartoon group's grunge change of image... just in case the title didn't clue you in. The figures have even gone on to be featured in a number of the band's music videos, such as their ironic spotlight in the environmentalist jam Some Kind of Nature, or the heavily modified puppet versions seen in We Got the Power. I can't believe we never got a proper reissue of that Clint Eastwood-y Murdoc.

Two Tone Noodle and Murdoc in
Some Kind of Nature

I summed up the band's tumultuous history in the wild, wild world of crappy toys in my SuperPlastic Phase Three 2-D review, but for the sake of conversation, I'll throw a little more detail about this particular wave of toys. In 2006, KidRobot released it's first set of Phase Two figures, the CYMK editions, followed soon by the White and Two Tone editions over the following year; all named in reference to their unique box designs.  All three editions featured the same base sculpts, with different paint work and packaging.

I might eventually get around to reviewing the entirety of my set, but for now, let's take a look at the nightmare band's demonic founder - and I don't mean Mr. Albarn. He's an arsonist - murderer - kidnapper - "sympathizer" - and - worst of all - bassist of that creepy y2k ringtone band, Gorillaz. He gets away with it, too - why? 'Cuz he's Murdoc Fucking Niccals. The type of character who's very existence would probably be considered a fucking trainwreck today; hence why, 18 years later, he's gone full VeggieTales. 

CMYK Murdoc

Now, as we start, I should mentioned I don't  typically bother to talk about a figure's box; it's often very much up to one's own taste, and, to me, just isn't very interesting - nine out of ten times, you've got nothing to say. But, for once, we have to include it as part of the deal - I hate to sound elitist or whatever, but I genuinely think if you don't have these guys in box, you're only getting half of the appeal.

The wonderfully collector friendly window box excels at framing the Murdoc figure; with various pieces of Demon Days art and insignia against a slate black on all sides, it makes for a very pretty display in and of itself. As mentioned before, the box is easily openable and re-sealable, with the figure itself held in by two trays. With a setup this good, you may as well leave 'em in there - looks great. 

Slack jawed, heavy eyed and half naked, Murdoc's looking as inebriated as any soulless monster ought to. While I think the sculpts across all of these figures could've used more intricate detail in order to truly replicate the aesthetics of Gorillaz' artwork at the time, I also really love this figure's smooth, simplistic feel - it's totally sleek, even in it's intentionally gross-out nature. They aren't necessarily going for a 1:1 recreation of any one appearance, though it's clear to see Murdoc is heavily inspired by his 2005 CGI model; you'll recognize it from the band's trippy holographic shows... all... detailed, and... Madonna-hitting-on-y, and... "sympathetic". Ech.

Murdoc's head is very similar to the crooked mug of KidRobot's Phase One figure, with a sort of flat, thick, bug-eyed Shaggy look. In fact, it might even go back to the cancelled pre-KidRobot Gorillaz toy line by Art Asylum; the small Murdoc head keychain seen near the front of this ToyFair display looks pretty similar to the one we see here. He's not quite the more evil design Demon Days seemed to be going for; I think they could've given the likeness a bit more defined angles, specifically the chin, and outward depth - just compare it to the flawlessly sculpted Murdoc Muppet to see what I mean, and yes, that exists. Still, it isn't necessarily off-model or anything; besides some weird looking smile lines and eye bags, I think it's pretty good. He's an ugly sun'va bitch, that guy, so I can imagine he's the type to look better on camera than in person. 

Somewhere between intoxicated and exhilarated, Murdoc's bass-heavy pose says ready for action; I really love the art accurate skrunkly hands, as well as his wide, bulky boots, skinnyfat bod, and punk-ass "sympathizer" hat. I especially dig his big theatrical cape, cast in soft, fabric-like rubber; really fun touch. Just like Jamie Hewlett's intricate Demon Days pictures, loads of neat little details, from seams, to skulls, are hidden throughout Murdoc's getup; though not so much so as to throw off the toy's very simplistic vibe, it's all there, but comes together in a trippy way isn't overdoing it. 

Murdoc's Flying V bass, having once belonged to the devil himself, is a really awesome choice of accessory; what's a musician without his weapon? I think it could've used a lot more detailing - y'know, at least give it strings - but I get the cartoony impression they were going for. It fits really well in his gripping hands - he's got that thing locked. They could've put in just a bit more effort, but it gets the point across and still looks cool. Seals the deal.

Unfortunately the figure is very prone to toppling forward; despite his clown shoes' massive surface area, his hunched pose still makes for a pretty bad center of gravity. It doesn't help the actual construction of the figure isn't really that good; his limbs are just barely a darker color, and his head pops off so easily, you'd swear it was for some reason intentional. However, this does have the added benefit of an unintentional point of articulation, and, if you for some reason wanted, capeless mode...? Art toys and quality control just don't mix.

Something of a literal walking corpse, Murdoc's skin has ranged from a tinged grey, to some odd variant of brown, to, now, eye-burning chroma key green; as per the aforementioned mad pasty CG model - look at him, man, he's a beacon - KidRobot's gone with a sort of sickly caucasian color. There's definitely warm overtones of yellowish-green in there, and though I imagine most fans would've preferred a much more intense shade of rotten flesh, think it matches the figure's smooth aesthetic much better as-is. I take it as a solid in-between; not too normal, not too... What The Fuck. Still, you gotta wonder why they didn't try for his more iconic complexion on the White variant, especially when the Phase One figure already sported a much colder green hint.

Beyond the odd pallor, Murdoc's illness - mental, and physical - is all the more apparent by his jaundiced yellow eyes and turquoise maw of teeth. The paint work is mostly sharp and solid, with only the occasional spot of bleed or scuffing. I dig the dark gradient adding some touch of depth to his guitar, the printed silver wire holding his necklace, and the purple-on-red of his cape brings a lot of color to the figure. It's only major issue is how easily the skin tone can rub onto the very contrasting bass, and vice versa. I should also mention his teeny-tiny little pupils tend to have a sort of wonky, walleyed look, but it's severity really depends on the figure. Mine's near unbalanced, but I've seen worse.

Having once owned the White edition, as well, I think it ultimately had the better paint job of the two fully detailed figures; I really love it's inverted pupil, red pinkie nails, and darker overall color scheme. The difference is minimal, but I'd say the CYMK is overall more true to the general character, while the White feels a touch more fully envisioned and artistic by slipping in so many unique details. I've never nabbed the Two-Tone, but it's a catchy spin on the usual monochromatic redeco. 

Despite my complaints, this Murdoc's one of my favorite figures; he's got just the right balance of detail and design, and is such an eye-catching shocker of a toy, you gotta track down at least one of the bunch. It ain't too common to come by such a loudly satanic, "sympathetic", and sexually sickening toy like this - he's got his small laundry list of issues - that much you can tell just by glancing at 'em - but if you dig the character, the art, or even just the band, he's a really wicked piece.

Review - McFarlane Movie Maniacs Chucky

McFarlane's Movie Maniacs - a sorta all encompassing, kinda well done series of almost high-end collectors figures, lining the soot skinned shelves of comic book stores and flea market booths everywhere. From 1998 to 2004, the large series covered just about every horror icon relevant to your average turn of the century FYE shopper; from Ghostface, to the Terminator, to... y'know, Chucky - who's just hitched incarnation I've covered before, released with his betrothed as a two-pack alongside tonight's subject of torture; y'know, Chucky.

Based on his appearance in Child's Play 2, this sculpt goes for the sinister, snarling Chucky seen throughout the original Child's Play trilogy; compare his evil grin to that seen on the included poster display, and you'll see what I mean. They're almost one-to-one - really impressive. Kevin Yagher Production's original Chuckys share a pretty consistent design; between their lifelike skin, piggish face and piercing blue stare, it's absolutely the scariest and most impressive the character has looked onscreen, to this day. Many a horrorhead will fondly, or frightfully, remember this particular look, and while I'm more of a Frankensteined Chucky kind of guy (also designed by Yagher, in it's fist appearance), in his own words, a true classic never goes out of style. 

On one hand, the figure's a little chubby; looks like a chibi Chris Farley with a side of Ham Porter - however, on the other, he's pretty damn accurate to the aforementioned earlier Chucky designs, give or take a few details. I think it's all a matter of lighting; and, as an extension, paint applications. The figure's incredible in some settings... but, a bit ugly, from all but most. From one angle, his furrowed, twisted expression just leaps off the screen; from another, he's channeled that monstrous six hundred pound emo girl you vaguely remember from High School. I think stronger, more defining highlights around the eyes, larger pupils, and a warmer complexion could've helped support the strengths of his likeness; make no mistake, the look is there, it just doesn't completely stick the landing. 

Speaking of looks, Chucky's got a badass Bob to beat even the most vicious of Karens. Hide your coupons, get your managers - ech, I've made myself sick. This snazzy little strangler's ginger mop, while certainly darling, ought to be a lot more crazy. While he's always had a thick red mane of manic hair, he definitely never had such a flawlessly carved cut in the original films - hell, sometimes he had less. Nowadays, it's a different story, so I can't say it's ridiculously offputting or anything - in fact, you might even say it's become on-model - but it just isn't the wild flame of hair seen in Child's Play 2. It even puts Tiffany's lumpy 'fro to shame. That's not to diss the real doll hair, though - at roughly the size of the standard Barbie, he's such a fun novelty of a figure thanks to this feature alone. Really adds to that whole killer doll aesthetic. I think it ultimately came out better on the 12" version, but really, the imperfections caused by the gimmick can be excused seeing as it really is  cool thing to include. Stands out.

Going down, Chucky's body is almost exactly the same as that of the Bride variant; the obvious difference being, this version's lack of battle damage. Having yet to encounter the dreaded gigantic fucking fan which gave him his lovely lacerated look, this Chucky's nice and unassuming - no tell-tale gaping wounds or jagged tears to speak of. 

Then again, the dark layer of dirt covered throughout Chucky's Good Guys garb is a sure sign this doll's seen his fair share of action; the thick, sooty resin wash really brings out his body's sculpt, and gives it that creepy, disused feel. The painted details such as his stripes, buttons and logos vary from good, to good enough, to... well, not bad, but certainly not to today's collectors standards or anything. For example, you can actually see the Good Guys logo emblazoned across Chucky's chest this time, on one hand, but on the other, the cartoony pattern dotting his overalls has been replaced by sort of impressionistic dabs of color. Does it matter? Not really. Honestly, seeing as Movie Maniacs has always aimed just right of true realism, these sort of nitpicks are non-issues - but, they're still something to note, especially if screen accuracy is what you're looking for. No toyetic footprints here, folks. 

With one foot slightly raised, he's sculpted in a sort of imposing half-step; not quite a lurch, more of an... evil stroll. Creepily inviting, as any lecherous, soul-stealing doll should be. It can make him a bit hard to balance in some surfaces, but usually he stands up fine. All sorts of very intricate stitches, seams and folds make his outfit look very nice, with some sections even made from a sort of soft, fabric-like rubber. While he's unfortunately very lacking in articulation, with simple swivel joints in the neck, shoulders, wrists and waist, I think you can get more than a few dynamic poses out of what you're given. He's great to just mess around with. 

Chucky comes with two accessories; a knife, and a poster display. The knife is exactly the same as that of the Bride figure; it's got a sort of retro, hand-made vibe to it, nothing too realistic, but it looks good and fits snugly in his right hand. You can sort of jam it into his left hand, but it seems intended for the shape of the right. The poster display, a staple of the Maniacs series, is... whatever. I really dislike the excessively edgy skeletal nightmare border - feels like... ghetto tattoo shop and meth. It's cool to get a little poster as a memento of the film, I guess, but I would've probably preferred an actual accessory in it's place. A yard stick, a voodoo doll, a glock - guy had all sorts of memorable weapons in those first three movies.  As I said in the Bride review, these poster displays are probably a little more interesting when you've got loads of these figures side by side, but I think as is it's just not appealing. Feels like filler. 

Naturally, Chucky looks wicked beside the Chucky and Tiffany figures; and in the era of Chucky's neigh-endless cult of clones, they make for a pretty dope display. Surprisingly, while the Bride Chucky's torn getup is clearly modified from the clean standard, standard Chucky and Bride Chucky feature completely different base face sculpts; I would've assumed they might've use the same undamaged face to build off of, but on second thought, I suppose that might be closer to something a toy company would do today, in our digital age, rather than the still more traditional turn of the century. 

Y'know, they should've done a non-possessed Good Guy doll. Would've been cool. 

Movie Maniacs is a mixed bag of a line, especially through today's lens. Even some of the best examples from the series feel a little underwhelming as we've gotten so accustomed to crazy articulation, a landfills worth of accessories, and almost excessive eye for detail. Still, say what you will about Movie Maniacs, but I feel there was always a special touch of effort that inspired the very standard for collector's figures we have today. Seeing as many McFarlane alumni went on to create today's collectors lines, I guess we all have to start somewhere.

The Maniacs Chucky variety isnt't what I'd call a must-have, but they're still a pretty solid set of uncomplicated figures. I think nowadays you're better off hunting down NECA's Ultimate sets of these characters, but if you're like me, and love obscure, weird merchandise, these are your perfect friends 'till the end. Or something.

Now, if I had to choose one? I'm going with the Bride pack. You get both main villains, both looking pretty good, and, considering it's obscurity, it's not so bad on the aftermarket. The solo Chucky feels more like the figure you just need to "complete the set" - it's a little less impressive, but at the same time, he's a fun and unique figure in his own right. I know I've spent more time than any adult should, playing with this doll-but-not; frilling his hair, playing with poses - and, he's a natural in front of the camera. Besides all the serial murder, what's not to love?

The Ian Chronicles - A Gigantic Waste of Time

My Hurricane Protection Totem

Feels a little weird writing this cuz I knew an Ian. Blech.

Anywho! It's struck again - the return of the monster - everyone's favorite yearly crock - hurricane season! Yes, Ian's been looming past the sunny coasts of hellish Florida for the past few days now, and apparently it's finally made some pretty serious contact. Not that I'd know! Since, as usual, it looks like a normal day in Chicago around me. Nothing special; in fact, I'd go as far as to say it literally does not matter. But, safety first, I get it. Where it's bad, it's bad. I think.

Irma is the only recent hurricane I can remember legitimately impacting people around here; though even then, we just lost power for a few days. Good excuse to take a vacation, really - we headed up to a nice local lodge just out of town and made lemons into lemonade, Hilton style. Or some shit. It's a "boy who cried wolf" situation - the more they hype up these calm, serene thunderstorms, the less myself and others bother to care. It's even worse when you go online and see people from outside the state panicking, wishing us well, drafting our obituaries. C'mon, now.

Hurricanes can be dangerous, but y'know, so can Elephants. And I don't see us getting any compassion when the circus rolls into town.

Double standards.

Tell you the truth, the only reason I comment on all of this - besides consistency - is because I wish it'd just rain already. Like any degenerate, I love the muffled patter of a long, dreary day; its peaceful, really puts your soul in a better place. Makes your brain feel like Crumb by Locket. Lo and behold, a literal rain storm is tearing our beloved land apart, and there's not a fucking shredling of liquid dripping from Zeus' mighty cloud dong. Sad!

Oh, well. So far the only excitement has been the power going out, and my job shutting up. As such, plenty of time for my other, horribler, self-inflicted job; MidLife! Oh, how I love my little ghetto nightmare filmy.

Espencer Kennaeth Hasperian, the Sixty-Ninth

Not to mention, plenty of time for toy reviewing... man, can't believe I just said that. Gross! I have to thank Michael Crawford (not that one) A.K.A. Captain Toy for that little obsession of mine; my whole family's one big compulsive collector, so reading and learning about all sorts of lines like Palisades' Fairly Odd Parents, Playmates' World of Springfield, or any old Sideshow doll was super exciting as a kid. Still is, too! What can I say, it's a hobby.

I always thought it was cool he somehow got his hands on the mystic life-size Mike and Sulley promotional statues; I saw those things all the time at the local McDonald's in South Lyon, Michigan, super nostalgic to me. Gotta wonder where the rest of 'em wound up...

We've been closed for the storm

...Well, coming back to the ol' keyboard a day or two later - just smoked two spliffs, I forgot - the storm effectively came and went. Made for a nice little extended weekend, and the weather's just primo. I can finally breathe for the first time in weeks without breathing in a liquid gallon of humidity.

Now to prepare-panic for next week's apocalyptic doomsday event. I'll bring the sandbags.

Review - McFarlane Movie Maniacs Chucky and Tiffany

Bride of Chucky; wicked movie, full of late 90's camp mixed with a healthy amount of earnest creativity and blood drenched fun. I love the colorful direction by Ronny Yu. You can't really knock a movie with onscreen murderdoll intercourse, can you? It was a fucking gigantic film, Chuckys and Tiffanys plastered on everything from temporary tattoos to WWE jumbotrons. They're still crankin' out stuff themed around Bride's branding, though now you're starting to see more from Seed and the TV series. Well, just in time for Season 2, I've decided to break out McFarlane's Movie Maniacs Bride of Chucky two-pack; starring, who else, but Charles Lee Ray and Tiffany Valentine. In doll form. 

It's hard to put on paper exactly why these figures look good, because at face value, they ain't perfect. Sculpt wise, they're more akin to statues than action figures, which was the style at the time in the wild, wild realm of disgusting nerd memorabilia. Nowadays, you got the complete opposite; endless articulation, boatloads of accessories - hell, even the box is worth keeping. Not here; and though it's dated, I've got a soft spot for dinky, simple little toys. Less is more, or whatever.

What's with all the Simpsons references? I don't know, either. 

McFarlane, as usual, rode the line somewhere between screen accuracy and caricature; there's a sort of visibly unreal, maybe even cartoony look to almost all of their retro Maniacs line, and while it can be jarring or even plain off-model, I think it was an interesting way to make toys "art". Their largely predetermined poses might limit what you're able to pull off next to hotshots like NECA or MAFEX, sure, but these perceived limitations do support the series' more unique and dynamic sculpts. Since they didn't have to worry about working in 3,214,820 pin-sized joints, they were able to focus more squarely on the look of the figures themselves - give 'em more intent, very unique on the shelf. An advantage which, I suppose, makes examples like this a bit embarrassing. These are figures that are very of their time - hell, they're older than me - so I think it's important to emphasize what made these elements of their design cool, and not just the downsides one might naturally jump to in this day and age. The technology, industry, and following of collector's items has really changed in 20~ odd years, so  it's nice to look back to where the whole horror-toy-avalanche more or less started.

Chucky's gross. Covered in a grimy brownish wash, his little rubber body has suffered all sorts of abuse; from the metallic skull glinting through the seams of his skin, to the tears and gore strewn across his blood stained outfit. Pretty easy to tell this particular version of the Good Guy's seen his fair share of action. The paint work is really well done, with a good eye for accentuating the small sculpted details McFarlane was so fond of. One thing I especially like is the glossy red used to highlight his chest's jagged scar, really stands out against his matte rubber overalls. I wish his eyes were a little more centered - certain angles give him a sort of walleyed expression - but I'll live. I'll also note the details of his themed overalls aren't good, like, at all, but considering they were most likely given either blurry screenshots or some random press photos, I can't blame 'em for forgoing little tiny hats and hammers for nondescript blobs. I can't imagine many will even notice the difference - for what it's worth, though it's very blended in, the Good Guys insignia is actually there if you squint hard enough. Points for effort.

His sculpt is a little weird at first glance, but honestly, I think it's just that this particular design of Chucky is just really hard to capture; just look as these fucking demon babies. Sometimes it's the head shape, sometimes it's the hair, whatever it is, it's always tricky; especially since he may as well look different shot-to-shot in the first place, what with the whole stapled together thing going on. Really, as I mess around with the figure, I've come to really dig it's look - I can't outright list any inaccuracies, and for all intents and purposes, he's solid. At only four points of articulation, your creativity is pretty limited, but you can get a good handful of convincing poses out of the lil' strangler. His stubby legs are stuck in a foreboding half-step, reminding me of his firey final showdown in Child's Play; unfortunately, the imbalance can make him prone to toppling over, if you aren't careful. 

The most striking part of the figure's likeness is his rusty orange rooted hair, emulating the doll's wild Jack Nicholson do. It's pretty matted out of the box - especially after a few decades - but give it a little fluff and he's lookin' fine. The wild bits held by miniature staples and stitches are particularly sick - they really went all out, all things considered. It's not like any other Maniacs had actual hair. Not counting further members or clones of the Ray family. 

The groom's sole accessory is a crosshatched stabbin' knife, pictured above; fits perfectly in his gripping right hand, so you don't gotta worry about accidentally losing it. I always appreciate that in figures. Could've gone with a couple more little bonus features, such as a gun or the Heart of Damballa amulet, but I suppose a knife about sums him up. 

But where's the bride?! Rockin' a cool shiny faux-leather jacket, miniature cloth fishnets, chain "Tiffany" pendant, and an endearing tit-tatt, Tiffany makes a punky first impression; considering she was exclusive to this two pack, I'm impressed by the amount of detail put into her design. Hiking up her skirt with an evil smile, she's even got a wedding band wrapped around her nasty dolly thigh - I don't think that was even in the movie, far as I've seen, so you gotta appreciate the creativity. The sculpt's certainly captured Tiff's twisted personality, and though it's articulation even more limited in potential than that of her husband, I think her go-to teasing pose works cool anyway. Part of me wishes she were given a more static pose, which might've brought things together a little better and offered more creativity, but I dig the unique pose.  

The wrinkles, folds and decorations of her outfit are very well done; especially her heavy jacket and goth boots, looking almost real with that aforementioned gloss. Her makeup's on point, as the kids say, complete with penciled-in beauty mark. Her tattoo looks a bit crude, though again, I assume it's a matter of what reference material was available to the team - bit of a minute detail, in 1999. That, or y'know... who cares. 

Something is a little off about her head sculpt; I think it's the amount of forehead - couple acres too many, you ask me. Her expression could be better, resting in a sort of vacant downward stare - I can't tell what they were going for with the look, and it ends up giving her no real line of sight. Maybe give her less of a forward slouch, and it could've worked better. Still, it's definitely Tiff, and features the appropriate cues seen in her comparatively uglier Bride design. Tiff's sleek blonde hair is pretty clumped up and frizzy - I'm sure she'd have something to say about that. Being thicker than Chucky's, it's naturally a lot harder to stylize to your liking; you could form it to a fitting shape if you used a rubber band to hold down her 'fro a while, but that's only if you're really after movie accuracy; the general impression is certainly there, so it's no big issue. 

Tiff came with two accessories; however, in reality, we'll make that one, because the other is what I refer to as "bullshit". It's a itty-bitty plastic cigarette, meant to be held in her gesturing left hand; thing is, it's so comically miniscule I didn't even realize it was in the box when I first opened these - so by the time I noticed, that thing had already hit the landfill weeks earlier. Oh well - smoking's bad, anyways, all that. Her other accessory is a big bottle of wine; used by Barbie herself to smash a gigantic ceiling mirror, dicing the Vegas victims gyrating beneath. What a bitch! The detail is pretty sub-par, but it's no deal breaker. Should've given her a heaping plate of cookies, too, or the Voodoo For Dummies manual. Me likey useless pack-ins.

The newlyweds, as with every Maniacs figure, came with a film appropriate poster; this one, of course, being Bridc of Chucky's memorable poster. Apparently it's a parody of Scream 2, but I'd bet the Chucky version's become much more recognizable. The poster itself is printed on very cardstock, attached to it's skeletal base via hot glue dabs. It's pretty low end, to the point of feeling extraneous, and the base itself is way too Tortured Souls for my taste. Blech. I would've preferred less of a branded display for the poster, or at least, one that somehow tied into the Bride motif. I guess it makes for a neat display, though, and I bet if you've got lots of these the posters look pretty neat next to each other. 

These guys are really sweet, simple figures - and though they may be lacking in some departments, as Tiff would be sure to point out, they're cool for big fans and casuals alike. I really wish they made the lovely couple's creepy little semi-son, Glen, who's only actual action figure is... atrocious; sadly, the line itself came to close the same year as Glen's debut, meaning no nonbinary nightmares. There is, however, a standard Chucky themed around Child's Play 2 who came out more or less at the same time as this set. I recently scooped him up, and he's on the way, so I might just do a review to round off the company's Chucky gallery - not counting their 12" variation, because I enjoy having money.

'Till next time, folks... we belong dead.

Looking At... Cancelled Invader Zim Toys (Bend-Ems / Diamond Select)

Invader Zim is an odd little series. Despite it's wide and ongoing acclaim, one could argue it's broadest appeal came in merchandising; just think how many kids you've seen rocking that iconic GIR hoodie, perhaps with a dash of MCR bracelets and a pinch of unholy facial piercings. From the memorable Irken insignia to GIR's stupid little face, the series' iconography have well surpassed the brand itself; half those kids would have no idea their cool little jacket came from a nightmare cartoon about gigantic weenies and mentally deranged moose-beings - and, good for them. They're better off for it. 

Unfortunately, not all of us have remained unacquainted with the twisted Zim universe. In case it's not obvious going by my art style, writing style, and... well, entire personality, Zim was a series I seriously loved as a young teenager. Hell, I'm still a fan - I just threw on the pilot the other night. Being a proud toy hoarder, I've amassed the majority of Palisades' impressive 2004 Invader Zim series, released hot off the trails of the series' first DVD release; from the awesome base playset, to the box set exclusive duty mode GIR. I've always thought that variant was supposed to look like the mystic Bloody GIR - if you know, you know.

Since the toy line's end in 2005, there hasn't been much in terms of legitimate Zim action figures. There's been a handful of GIR bits and bobs, a run of miniature bobbleheads, plenty of stuffed animals - but no real toys. The closest we've got was 2019's Sunny Days Entertainment "Bend-Ems" Zim and Dib; a pretty cool little duo of figures, definitely worthy of your shelf - especially if you can't, or don't want to cough up what eBay and friends are asking for Palisades' long out of print figures. 

I jumped on these guys as soon as I realized they'd released; resulting in me overpaying significantly, having assumed they'd never show up on proper store shelves - they hadn't yet! Give it a week, I suddenly see them for $15~ each at Hot Topic. After months, and months of total obscurity. Go figure. 

In my excitement, though, I happened upon the figure's first appearance at Toy Fair 2019, covered by Figures.com. Resting on a table beneath various test packaging cards was the Bend-Ems figure variety themselves, ranging from Hank Hill, to Popeye, to Voltron, to... GIR and Gaz. Complete with GameSlave. While I assumed they'd eventually release - GIR's dog design all but guaranteeing it - years later, it looks like we'll never see these additional characters. 

It's really too bad; the Bend-Ems aren't ground breaking, but they capture Zim's noodly design in an effective manner. I've always felt that despite Palisades insane range and accuracy, the figures were ultimately too fragile for their own good - something completely voided by a series of toys made of literal bouncy rubber. While nothing much was really lost, I can definitely say I would've bought GIR and Gaz, no problem.

Finally, it happened. Januray 22nd, 2021 - a new Invader Zim toy line. Disgusting nerd collector websites reported company Diamond Select - known for their strange Walgreens residency - had announced a new series of Zim toys, complete with alternate heads and accessories - just like Palisades, but new!

From the press release;

Invader Zim Series 1 Deluxe Action Figure Asst.

A Diamond Select Toys release! Dooooooom! Invader Zim has returned to invade the Earth again, this time as an all-new series of action figures from Diamond Select Toys! Each set of two 3-4” figures – Zim with Gir, Boy-Disguise Zim with Dib, and Dog-Disguise Gir with Gaz – includes multiple accessories and interchangeable parts. Each pair comes packaged in a full-color window box. Designed by David Forrest, sculpted by Paul Harding! 

I think I speak for every Zim freak when I say, these look wicked. The dancing gopher - a bad, bad rubber piggy - Gaz' horrifying robotic guards! You rarely see lines so dedicated to fanservice, and you really get the feeling they were aiming for something as cohesive as the aforementioned Palisades series. 

While the Bend-Ems notably didn't use the redesigns seen in 2019's Invader Zim feature, Enter the Florpus, Select seems to have gone for a happy medium; Dib's got his Florpus incarnation's big, googly head, but also the paler skin and straight faced tee seen on TV. I actually dig this; not everyone's a fan of Florpus' much softer look, but I think it works really well in the context of the film itself. It would've been fitting to have a new range of Zim figures referencing these modern designs; a set for the original series, and a set for the movie. Really, I think they ought to have bit the bullet and adapted the movie designs directly - would've been a lot more desirable, as a collector. But that's just me. 

I really love the expressive sculpts and poses; executed a bit better than Palisades' versions, in some cases. Irken Zim's pissed off overbite looks perfect. Each character had an alternate head, seemingly except for doggy GIR; I'd assume they didn't feel the need to give the most recognizable character too distinct of a variant. On the other hand, though, I gotta admit human Zim doesn't look too hot; something about his eyes and head shape is a little too Dr. Cortex. Dib's also a little weird; I know I just defended the whole Florpus thing, but it's cartoonier, friendlier take on Dib, at face value, isn't my favorite. His alternate head is a perfect example of that. All in all, the paint applications and attention to detail are really eye catching, great for fans, but the sculpts just don't consistently bring things together. Especially not in the same way as their predecessors. 

So, why the past tense? Well, as of September 2nd, the series has officially been cancelled. Having pre-ordered the first wave, I've been keeping the occasional eye on the series; after all, I was pretty hyped for this release. While it originally was slated to ship during the summertime, the months went on, and the due date was pushed - again, and again - indefinitely... to the point where I started considering cancelling my pre-order. The thought passed, here and there, when today I figured I ought to get my hundred or so back - but lo and behold, Big Bad Toy Store was was step ahead.

Rest in Peace. Select themselves have mentioned the cancellation is due to production issues, hoping to resolicit, and the line has been marked "sold out" on most websites. While I'm sad the series didn't come out, I think at the end of the day, it's another case of nothing much was lost - especially since they were largely  retreading an already popular and still respected series. I would've loved a new set of spooky dudes, but I'll survive with the one I've already got. 

The company did end up releasing a PVC statue featuring a triumphant Zim and GIR later in 2021, designed by the same sculptors as the figures; making it effectively the only mass-release glimpse at this line. I haven't ended up buying it, yet, but I suppose if you had to choose one, this was a pretty solid choice; and a good note to end on.

What's next for the wild, wild world of Invader Zim action figures? Probably not much, honestly. The Florpus press cycle has ended, the comic's ended, the hype's died down, and good ole Zim's back to outdated internet forum territory. Just the way we like it. I think the cancellations of both series reflect the fleeting nature of Zim's media presence; par the course for your average cult classic, fashionably late and quick to leave. Interest is bound to ebb and flow, and while that's great for a weird obscure animated series, that's not so great for a toy line. It's interesting to see the original shows' fade in a smaller, faster scale; Zim was huge again for a minute, only to once again draw back.

Now watch as all eight of these figures are released in the next week.