TONIGHT'S EPISODE... Zorak Vs The Smogmonster

Space Ghost: Coast to Coast - perhaps, the greatest drama of all history; the storied tale of the host with the most, Tad Ghostal, and his epic quest to face the omnipresent forces of evil - otherwise known as Zorak, Moltar, Brak, the extended Legion of Doom, and an endless barrage of strange late 90's guests, cameos and total freakshows.

Passed down to me at a young age - a sort of, stoner family heirloom -  I instantly became a hyperfan, as I endlessly rewatched the Season Two DVD.  I believe it was from Suncoast Video. Look 'em up..

Cookout, Sharrock, Jacksonville, 20.01 - flawless nostalgic classics. Endless hilarious quotes I remember day-to-day; "You Killed the Chicken." ... "I'm one hundred percent Stupid." ... "Tonight's Episode: Hickory. Dickory. Dead." Not to mention, real wicked menus and music on that Season 2 set, literally burned into the waves of my brain...  I even remember doodling Zorak as a nasty fetal kid. Or at least, trying. Guy's hard to draw.

A shame the only complete DVD collections are bootlegs. I found this one on Craigslist. 

Dusting the Linoleum, Sir.

Was I too young? Maybe. Did it shape my entire sense of humor? Definitely. Do I owe the Ghost Planet all that I am? With Absolute Certainty. 

Back, again, when I was but a wee lad, I had the great honor of meeting the demonic extraterrestrial terrors Zorak and Moltar, themselves - that is, C. Martin Croker!- on, where else, but "sunny Ghost Planet"! The interstellar adventure of a lifetime. We even passed by the remains of Melmac. 

Such a charming guy - little-baby-me, awestruck, nervously beamed my love for Zorak, - and he was like - paraphrased - "Did you know I'm Moltar, too! MoltarbabbleMoltarbabble" - I was like... Huh?! What?! How!!! I still remember real well. I couldn't even grasp that idea. I sort of thought to myself, at the time... wait... so he... replaced Moltar's guy? Or...? 

Croker was so memorable - down to even that wicked ol' surfmonster look. Just take the incredibly dedicated signature. A signature - and it's so loving, and funny! What a guy. You can find similar examples of very personal signings and sketches, online; he truly appreciated his fans - especially a Yung Creature like me. Which also, so happens, to have been my rapper, and prison name(s), before I began going by Lil Zorak.

He is missed. A King among Adult Swim's lifeguards... the original Doctor Weird... little, lovable Steve... Truly - Zorak!

MidLife production art

One of my biggest regrets; I never got the chance to meet Space Ghost - George Lowe - despite the fact I lived right nearby his hometown for years. Perhaps I sold him some odd folk art... 

A living legend, Lowe's humor is literally unmatched; watch any interview, he's unbelievable. Any show, anything. One can only wish to have such endless charisma, literally commanding the audience. Endless comedy, endless talent. What a voice - the best voice. 

It's so great he, and Tad, got such a beautiful closer on that weird Hannah-Barbara-Universe show. Jelleestone? Money can't buy me happiness... Lowe will always be the definitive Space Ghost, to me. With that; a fabulous video tribute to Mr. Lowe...

Still walking among us; haunting the peaceful Ghost Planet; the powerful - the insightful - the musical - Brak! - Andy Merrill! Who even rocks an original Brak doodle PFP by yours truly. That being, Me. Me!! Look at me!!!

He even once sang me Feel Good Inc. Seriously!

This is all to say; on the very eve of Croker's passing, I encountered a nasty little Zorak perched atop the Everclear-bleached studio bar; who, soon, attacked my associate, The SmogMite. Disturbing.

The Lizard Of Death Vs The SmogMonster: Giant Monsters All-Out Barack

I don't know a damn thing about the Lizard of Death.  As with many a shining example of cinema, I found it about 6 feet deep though the motion picture graveyard known as YouTube. 

Mutated to enormous size by - what else? - errant atomic testing, the proverbial Death Lizard rages war on the stilted denizens of the 1950's; munching backseat lovers, roasting tanks, even kidnapping a pretty lady. Oh, the horror! Only a generic white guy, his damsel-in-distress, and a wandering possibly LGBT boychild dare challenge the Lizard's mighty reign.

The Lizard of Death is - thank Heavens!- an earnest, loving, tongue-in-cheek tribute to the creature features of the mid-20th century; Godzilla meets The Giant Gila Monster, with every bastardized B-movie banger between... though, it is worth noting, director Ben Heck has described the film as "emulation... not homage or parody". 

As far as emulation goes, it's more sort of lighthearted, and, inherently, modern than it's inspirations - it could've generally looked a bit older, the effects were self-aware, plenty of ironic and campy little lines - yet, still, it comes reasonably close to the real deal, especially for an amateur thing. Which i mention in a good way! Squint your eyes, maybe watch it off a CRT... it's a familiar lil' thriller, if you're a public-domain-sci-fi freak such as I. You can tell everyone involved was a real horror nut, likewise, and surely had nothing short of a blast! Like the toxic doom which mutated our star Lizard (of Death), the pure fun behind the project simply radiates off the screen.

Should you be seduced by the slimy slither of the Lizard of Death, details on the production are still available on Heck's wicked old-school website - including the microscopic production photos I've so savagely stolen, above. 

The Lizard of Death is among the finest kaiju flicks of the west; incredible effects rivaling that of Tsuburaya + flawless use of stock footage + conspicuous Canadians + Skeletons = Based. In Honor of our newest child, the holy Deathlizard, I've created... what may well... be the creature's first fan art. Amen. Or, Ahh-Men, for all you weirdos out there.

"Get married to a Girl! Ew!"

Wi-Fi Comedy!

Did you know, in the Good Lord's year of 2026, you can name your own personal wi-fi connection? I did... but I'm sure You didn't. 

So, what; "Smog's Wi-Fi"? "71 Business"? "71F223-2.4"? No, no - no more boring nothings, plain company titles, technical jib-jab... believe it or not, your wi-fi service can be entitled... well! just about anything you want! 

Within Reason. 

Why, just this afternoon - on my daily walk through the filthy, filthy slums of the Gulf Coast - I encountered just loads of hootin', hollerin', hilarious wi-fi boners! Of course, there's the usual suspects... "FBI Surveillance Van", always a classic... "Gangstalking Club House", heh, yawn... "Epsteinet"... where's the funny?

Well, here's the real zingers; in the famed words of Grand Vizier Jafar, "The Diamond[s] in The Rough" - a collection of cantankerous connections, with additions from none other than the beloved staff of 71! 

"There Are People Under My Veins"

"Free Trojan"

"UndergroundPandaFightingRing"

"CYBORG_PHILLY"

"GhostPlanet Guest"

"I_Believe_Wi_Can_Fi" 

"Glitch Studios Is The Death Of Art"

"Robotropolis5G"

"FancyNippleTassels" 

"Don't Call Her WiFi If You Met Her At The Freaknik"

"HumanTraffickingHQ1887"

"Ghidorah the Three-Banded Router" 

"PP-Link_69" 

"Dunder_Mifflin"

Special shout-out to "ZappsFreeWiFi", which has been inexplicably broadcasting free service from a nearby abandoned structure for, seemingly, decades; despite said Zapp's location having closed circa 1990... itself, having taken place quite a while before wi-fi, even, like.. existed. Huh. Whatever! Always comes in clutch when webby-things go awry... and how about that McDonald's!

This is all to say... I must, sadly, announce to my staff that we will be temporarily without internet connection; from today, to the foreseeable future, as the "Guys" over at Spectrum do their best to fix our little... "Unbelievable Wiring Issue". Godspeed, men!

Of course, rest assured - the Anti-Gravity Freedom Machine network, as always, stands strong.

Please direct any questions, concerns or comments to Gustavo "From The Selva" De Barcelos, 71 Chief of Human Relations and Head Receiver. Also - as a friendly reminder! - the [REDACTED] animation is due tomorrow. No exceptions, with termination of employment upon failure to deliver.

What does any of this have to do with the promotional event in which Pee-Wee Herman and I, per court order, visited hundreds of Discovery Zone locations across America to speak about Christian mission trips to Haiti? I'm not sure. 

Computron Wants To Live

Aye... what's good, Smogmonster? 

A whole lotta nothing. Binging The Office, enjoying the company pool, feasting up on mandarins and delicious iced coffee. Not to mention, fixing my sleep schedule, Little Dog in tow. Ever met a rat terrier who loves oranges?

I deserve it - as 71's glorious leader, I'm owed a week or two of Lazy. Often! After all, isn't that what upper management is for...?

Fret not, MidLivvians; as always, our crack team of disuting freaks - that is, Animators - are on the case. Of course, the A-Team (pictured below) is currently preoccupied by an upcoming semi-related music video project... y'know, the [REDACTED] one?... but, the Expendables - that is, "Saif Animadness Funhouse (ਸੈਫ ਐਨੀਮੈਡਨੈੱਸ ਫਨਹਾਊਸ)" - are keeping the MidLife ship a-sailin'.

"A fire hazard waiting to happen!" as if. 

What's interesting is, we've been repeatedly warned by OSHA (or, the Obtuse Stupid Heads Association) that our working conditions are, quote, "Unsafe", and, "A Complete Violation Of Basic Human Rights", and, "Almost Certainly Going To End In Mortal Disaster". Which is absolutely silly. 

Sure, things are tough, now. But hey - I'm no monster. I'm the Smog-Monster! The vast majority of my underlings are generously blessed the minimum legal wage - And! - management is even prepared to consider the installation of one brand-new window unit A/C somewhere near the general vicinity of employee quarters! Should production meet schedule!

Not to mention, the newly implemented (mandatory) "Crazy Costume Sundays"! What a riot!

Note: animé characters/references will not be accepted as participation

Of course, my office stays a frosty 60°. Such is life; the mad Captain of the ghostly USS Cygnus. Or... I guess, SS Guppy. It's lonely at the top; the literal top, of the building, y'know? Great view. One very few - again - deserve. But hey - as I grow older, and wiser, I've come to understand, perhaps, not everyone can be a Smogmonster. Or a Doctor Reinhardt. Or a Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch.

Sometimes, as I drown through the murky depths of our blessed company pool; staring through bloody chlorinated eyelids; I just fleetlingly remember. That old thought. The vision really breathed underwater... and maybe, it still does.